(no subject)
Sep. 25th, 2006 02:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
small_hen*Sighs*
I am having a miserable night.
Rarely (maybe once every couple years) I get struck with depression that can last anywhere from a few weeks to six months. Every time, this depression starts with a ‘stressor’ – I got it worst, for example, the summer before I entered college. I’m afraid it might be starting up again tonight. Basically, I’m freaked out about getting into nursing school (will I be accepted, will there be any requirements that will keep me from getting in this Spring, will I bomb the interview, will I be any good at it if I do get in, that sort of thing).
To make things worse, I was trying to get to sleep, when, at 1:00am, I got up to get a drink of water and a lizard ran down my wall. It was one of those little pink ones, so it could have been worse, but I couldn’t catch it and now I can’t sleep! I have an absolute horror of bugs/small animals in my room while I’m sleeping. It’s a fear of infestation, and I’ve had it since I was small. I’m really upset because I have a chemistry class in the morning and it’s almost 3:00 am and I’m still wide awake- exhausted, but wide awake.
Sigh. If I’m lucky, this won’t become depression. Really, that’s why I’m here; I’m trying to write out all of these bad feelings before they can take hold. I also read some of the Bible – I was raised in a religious home, and I find Psalms very soothing – which helped.
Honestly, though, this couldn’t have happened in a worse week- I’ve got two test, a presentation, and a slue of homework all due before Friday. I think I need a cyber hug. :(
I am having a miserable night.
Rarely (maybe once every couple years) I get struck with depression that can last anywhere from a few weeks to six months. Every time, this depression starts with a ‘stressor’ – I got it worst, for example, the summer before I entered college. I’m afraid it might be starting up again tonight. Basically, I’m freaked out about getting into nursing school (will I be accepted, will there be any requirements that will keep me from getting in this Spring, will I bomb the interview, will I be any good at it if I do get in, that sort of thing).
To make things worse, I was trying to get to sleep, when, at 1:00am, I got up to get a drink of water and a lizard ran down my wall. It was one of those little pink ones, so it could have been worse, but I couldn’t catch it and now I can’t sleep! I have an absolute horror of bugs/small animals in my room while I’m sleeping. It’s a fear of infestation, and I’ve had it since I was small. I’m really upset because I have a chemistry class in the morning and it’s almost 3:00 am and I’m still wide awake- exhausted, but wide awake.
Sigh. If I’m lucky, this won’t become depression. Really, that’s why I’m here; I’m trying to write out all of these bad feelings before they can take hold. I also read some of the Bible – I was raised in a religious home, and I find Psalms very soothing – which helped.
Honestly, though, this couldn’t have happened in a worse week- I’ve got two test, a presentation, and a slue of homework all due before Friday. I think I need a cyber hug. :(
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(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-25 03:13 pm (UTC)Have you seen a doctor about the depression? I don't know how you feel about medical treatment for depression, but it is a medical condition, and there are options - it couldn't hurt to at least find out what those are.
If there's anything at all I can do, please let me know. Really. *more hugs*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-25 06:37 pm (UTC)I'm actually doing okay, I think. Everything always looks about ten times worse at 3:00 in the morning when you can't sleep. As far as one day at a time- tell me about it. It turns out I've got three test this week (I forgot about my Chemistry II test), plus we're doing a culture lab in Microbiology, which means about an extra hour of work outside of class. ugh. I wish I hadn't needed to take such a huge load of classes.
****Done whining****
I never did talk to a doctor strictly about depression. When I got it the worst, I was 17 and everyone kept dismissing it, even thought I was manifesting physical symptoms (baaad insomnia and loss of appetite). It wasn't like I was expected to just suck it up or anything, but every time I mentioned how awful I was feeling, it was brushed away with a "Oh, you're fine." Since then, I haven't had it nearly so bad, and it rarely lasts more that a month or so. I did finally see a doctor a week or so ago who tested my thyroid, so if I have something up with that, chances are that they're related.
It's all probably nothing more than a reaction to overstress. I'll be right as rain after Friday, I'll bet.
If there's anything at all I can do, please let me know. Really. *more hugs*
*hugs back* Already you're being a good friend, and that is a wonderful help.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-26 02:22 am (UTC)I'm glad to hear you're doing better today. I agree, 3:00 in the morning is a dreadful, lonely hour, especially when you want to be asleep but can't quite manage it. Yuck, Chem and Microbiology. I am SO not a math/science person! I salute you, though!
"Rarely lasts more than a month"!? Oh, my darling, that is awful! I seriously think that you should see a doctor about it. Perhaps it's related to your thyroid, but I think you should raise it separately with your doctor as well.
I hope that you're right and you feel much better after Friday, but even if you do, I'd encourage you to talk about it with your doctor anyway. You shouldn't have to be depressed for a month! /unsolicited advice :)
Well, the offer's still open - I'm happy to offer hugs anytime, but if there's anything more I can do, let me know.
Hey - are you interested in a House post party this week, or will you be too busy? Don't wanna interfere with your studies.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-26 02:43 pm (UTC)Unsolicited advice = fine. Besides which, it's good advice. The fact is, these depressive bouts of mine seem to be getting less frequent as I better learn to cope with stress. If/when it comes back, I am going to see a doctor about it. It was one thing when I was younger and no one took me seriously- now I'm the grown up and I'll make my own doctor appointments.
I'm really doing okay. I was worried on Sunday night because I was stressed and not sleeping (for me, depression = insomnia), but I slept really well last night. I was just freaked out before because of that damn lizard in my room.
And I'm always happy to accept a skyblue hug. (((((hugback!))))) Really, thank you for letting me get all of this out of my system. Writing and talking it out do wonders for stress.
House post party- if you want to do it again, I'll definitly pop in and talk for a while. I can't very well study all the time, now can I :)? Besides which, there are a bunch of other people who enjoyed it last time- even if I can't post quite as much, I'm sure they'll all still love it.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-26 03:32 pm (UTC)I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, and that you'll talk to your doctor if the depression comes up again. Very good news on both counts.
*more hugs* Anytime! I'm always happy to talk and give hugs and offer unsolicited advice. ;) I'll answer your email from work - it's much easier for me to surreptitiously do email at work than surreptitiously do lj at work. *g*
House post party - there probably will be one, but as seems now to be usual, it probably won't really kick off until Wednesday, since I'm on west coast time and everyone else is asleep by the time I've seen it. I'm not sure if it'll be on my lj or
Have a not-too-terrible day, and good luck on the test! Mwah.
Please don't hurt me, but...
Date: 2006-09-26 02:22 pm (UTC)Re: Please don't hurt me, but...
Date: 2006-09-26 02:54 pm (UTC)Is it considered bad form to sport a self-refrencing icon? Because I really want to grab it.
*Beams* Thankyou!
I have got to get back to HouseMST one of these days.
Re: Please don't hurt me, but...
Date: 2006-09-26 03:00 pm (UTC)Thank you delcat, I'm a doctor, thank you delcat!
Re: Please don't hurt me, but...
Date: 2006-09-29 04:12 am (UTC)The post is here (http://www.greatestjournal.com/users/delcat/32443.html), if you're curious.
Also, sorry for the late response, I've been
neglecting my inbox in favor of playing old SNES gamesbusy with school.