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[personal profile] small_hen
Title: Pillow Talk is Overrated
Author: Harry Lockhart, as told by [livejournal.com profile] ennui_blue_lite
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 1,503

Summary: Getting laid apparently turns Perry Von Shrike into a total sweetheart. Giving blowjobs in the shower, however, just pisses him off again. Harry is okay with this.

Author’s note (Harry): You sick fucks. You really want to read about Perry blowing me in the shower?

Author’s note (Ennui): Written for the prompt, “How 'bout the morning after Harry's first time with Perry. (Can include the act itself or not, author's choice). Perry, in his uniquely Perry way, makes sure Harry's all right. I'm thinking this might lead into a long, hot shower to soothe away some of that unavoidable soreness. If this includes Perry washing Harry's hair for him and going down on him in the hot water and steam, I would be a happy girl.”

Yeah, this isn’t quite that story. It’s not my fault! There has never been a character in the history of fiction less direct-able than Harry Lockhart. He drinks massive quantities of coffee and tells me what happened. I have no choice but to go with it.
As always, much love to my beta, [livejournal.com profile] skyblue_reverie, who is brilliant and wonderful and my favorite person. *hugs her*





When I woke up, he was already looking at me.

Yeah, try that some time. Go find someone to sleep next to, and then tell them to make sure they’re watching you as you start to wake up. You’ll get this weird, paranoid tingle in your stomach, like you’re actually on TV, and have no idea. Like that movie – yeah, you know the one I mean, I forget the title.

Sorry, got a little off track there. I’m Harry Lockhart, your narrator. Author? Should I take a step up and go with the author title, since this is written, and not spoken? Is that a step up? I mean, people are way more likely to watch a movie than read a fucking short story, right? Nobody wants to read their movie.

Okay, sorry, did it again. This time, I’m staying on track. I’m Harry Lockhart, and the guy currently staring at me is my partner and … um … guy-I-just-slept-with-for-the-first-time-but-it’s-so-much-more-than-that, Perry Von Shrike. He’s gay.

Come to think of it, maybe I am too.

“Hey,” I said. I guess that’s what gay guys say when they wake up next to each other. I’m a little new at this.

“Morning,” he said, and I could already tell that this was going to get awkward fast if I didn’t do something. So I went with my old standby.

I decided to annoy him.

“You’re staring at me,” I said, poking him in the belly, “like, I don’t know, like I’m a puppy or something.”

He quirked an eyebrow at me. Now, Perry, it just so happens, has very expressive eyebrows, and he can say a lot with them. These eyebrows, for example, were saying, “I’m confused,” and, “Oh, wait, Harry’s about to say something stupid, let’s all listen.” “A puppy?”

“Yeah, like I might do something cute at any minute, so you have to keep watching.”

This did not annoy him. If anything, he started looking at me like I was even cuter, and what the hell is that? Did one night of sex really cure him of that much cranky? In all the time I’ve known him, he always talked as if he was up to his balls in men, but I guess it was just talk. And, if that were the case, couldn’t he have at least jerked off a little more regularly for the good of mankind or something?

Whatever, I’ll take happy Perry where I can get him. He’s not…uncute when he’s affectionate.

So, then Mr. Sunshine kissed me on the forehead and asked, “Do you want to go shower?”


Perry’s shower is nice. It’s all big and spacious, and it’s got these non-slip floors, which I appreciate, since I once fell over while having sex in a shower. Luckily (I guess), the girl stayed upright, but she was not impressed. Actually, she laughed at me until she couldn’t breathe. While I was writhing in pain. I almost threw her out, except that it was her apartment, and I really needed a place to crash for the night. So I swallowed my pride. And then I went around with a bruise the shape of Nevada on my ass for three weeks.

So, anyway, Perry’s shower. Nice. Spacious. You could host an orgy in there. Except, I hoped he wasn’t planning one, because I tend to be a one person kinda guy, and besides that, you can only cram so many men into one shower before it starts to smell.

I’m thinking he wasn’t planning one, though, because the second we got in there, and he had the water going, he wrapped himself around me. I mean, he enveloped me, like I was all his, and he wasn’t going to let me go. And, okay, I’m about to get a little sappy here, so avert your eyes:

It made me feel safer than I’d ever felt in my entire life.

In case you hadn’t noticed, Perry is a big guy. I don’t mean – I mean he’s a tough guy. Tall and strong. And I’d never really known that that was my thing until now, until he was kissing me up my jaw, and I was melting, like in danger of slipping down the drain melting. And then he reached my ear and whispered, “Harry, are you okay?”

And everything screeched to a halt.

I knew it, I knew this was coming. Okay, so it’s not every day that a guy decides at thirty five that he’s suddenly fine with bending over and taking it, but as Perry loves to remind me, I am not every guy. “Perry,” I said, pulling back from his arms, which was really hard, but I needed to be clear on this point. “I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t want to, okay? I wanted to. I want you. So you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine. I’m better than fine. I’m –”

“What? No, idiot, that’s not what I meant.” His hand slid down my back, down my ass until his finger was resting against my hole. “Are you okay?”

Oh. Oh!

“Flattering yourself?” I joked. It fell flat – Perry doesn’t really require flattery. Basically, he just needs to drop trou, and let everything speak for itself.

“I’m serious. It hurts the first time, I know. Are you okay?”

I shifted on my feet and decided to go with honesty. “I’m a little sore.”

“You want something for it?”

“What, like an aspirin?”

“No, like…something to put on it.”

I’m not sure what expression I made then, but it must have been pretty funny, because Perry fought to hold onto his default annoyed face, and failed. “What?”

“I cannot believe you just brought up Preparation H while your finger is on my asshole.”

“Well, welcome to being gay, Harry.”

“Bi,” I replied, because it was technically true. “And what do you mean ‘you know’ it can hurt the first time? You’re a top, right? I was starting to think you’d topped Zeus, the way you talk about yourself.”

“Shut up,” Perry said, and I did, because he took my cock in his hand, and oh god yes. “Just trying to take care of you a little,” he grumbled, and then he fell to his knees.

I gave Perry a blow job last night. He didn’t come, exactly, even though I went at it until my jaw was aching. Actually, midway through, he pulled me off and told me that I get a ‘B’ for enthusiasm, but that we needed to work on my technique. I told him to shove it up his ass, and then he told me he’d rather shove it up mine. And … then he did.

Anyway, my point is, I was pretty sure that this surprise shower blowjob was more of a demonstration than anything, and I figured I should probably pay attention.

“Mmmn! Hand around the base,” I muttered. “vary pressure. Wrap – oh god – wrap lips around teeth to–”

There was a “pop” sound, and then all the warm goodness was gone. I looked down, and Perry was glaring up at me like I’d started singing whale songs or something. Actually, he looked kinda cute, all baffled with his hair wet and stuck to his forehead, but that’s pretty crap consolation when someone pauses mid blowjob. “What the good fuck are you doing?” he asked.

“I’m…studying.”

“Studying.”

“I want to figure out how to get this right,” I said, like it wasn’t fucking clear in the first place. “I’m trying to learn through observation.

“Oh.” Perry considered this. I waited, patiently I might add, for him to get back to the lesson. “Okay then,” he replied, and – aah! Fuck, how does he do that? He could have a career in this.

Actually, scratch that.

“Nn! God, okay. Flutter the tongue…oh – OH, what the fuck was that? How did you do that!?”

Alright, note to self: Do not ask Perry questions during sex. It just interrupts him, and then he stops, and there is nothing good about that.

“What NOW?” he growled, and how a man can look threatening when he’s on his knees, I have no idea, but Perry definitely could.

“That thing! You rolled your tongue with my cock in your mouth, like a…Spanish ‘R’ or something! How the fuck did you do that?”

“I used to know a hairstylist named Tito,” he deadpanned.

“I can’t even do that when my mouth is empty!” I said, and yeah, I know, at this point, I was actively delaying the blowjob, but it really was the most impressive thing anyone had ever done to my cock.

“You know what – forget the cock sucking lessons. I’m sure you’ll pick it up. Just shut up and let me take care of you.”

Perry slid his lips around me again, and I closed my eyes. He was right – sometimes, it’s best to just shut up and let him take care of things. Of me.

Perry knew what he was doing.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-08 11:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mothergoddamn.livejournal.com
Whoo! That was so, so good! AND HOT! AND funny! Always an amazing mix!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 01:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! I'm glad you liked it, and thought it was a good mix of funny and hot. That's what I was going for.

Thank you for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 12:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kristophorios.livejournal.com
I laughed so hard....the morning after can be so awkward...

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 01:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yes, very much. And it's ten times as awkward when you blow a chronic narrator in the shower. :)

Thank you for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 12:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com
HAHAHAHAH AMAZING. A++ would read again. :D :D :D

Oh, Harry! You are utterly willful, I hear, but you are awesome while you're about it. So.

*adores*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 01:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Whoo hoo! RDJ is watching me...porn. that's a little nonsensical, but I like it anyway!
Harry is darlingly willful, but Perry loves him for it.

Thanks for dropping in and reading! *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 01:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com
it's only nonsensical if you stick to the standard usage of porn as a noun. if you're down wit da kidz, you get to use it as a verb, and it makes perfect sense! :D :D

as in BRB, PORNING, or Can't talk now, gotta porn, or "What are you doing tonight?" "I'm porning for big bang."

it's much quicker to say it that way than "creating pornography"

<333

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 01:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Ah, I see. Thank you for clearing that up. I'm very intrigued and mildly disturbed that this multi-eyed, deca-bespecalled RDJ creature is watching me porn. :)

*runs to your journal to see I've I've missed any instances of you porning in the last few days.*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 01:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thatsleon.livejournal.com
sdfkhahahaha. That was so awesome, I ended up quoting it piece by piece to my friend via AIM. There's coffee all over my keyboard now. There's reportedly tea all over his. XD

A+ WOULD LOL AGAIN

WE LOVE YOU. <33

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 03:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Wow, dedication from you and your friend! Thank you for that.
I'd send you a new keyboard, if I could afford one. But not your friend, because everyone knows that coffee is acceptable, and tea is a weak abomination.

Thanks for you love! And commments! <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 06:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bambistark.livejournal.com
Loved it! :DD <3
My fav line: "I told him to shove it up his ass, and then he told me he’d rather shove it up mine. And … then he did. "

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Hee! Yay! I liked that line too!

Thanks for reading it, glad you loved it!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 07:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] auctorial.livejournal.com
You really want to read about Perry blowing me in the shower?

WHY YES, HARRY, WE DO. And the nights before, and all the nights and mornings after... XDDD

This is awesome. Harry is adorable! Perry is hilarious and adorable! I was grinning the whole way through. <3

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 11:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
I, too, would like more of Harry and Perry's love life, if anyone else is inclined to write...

Thank you! I'm glad you agree with me that Harry and Perry are adorable and hilarous, and I'm also happy that you commented!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-09 12:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dr-harley.livejournal.com
Gee, this is great!!
Hilarious and so IN character!! I really can imagine Harry saing and doing all those things, and this line:

“I want to figure out how to get this right,” I said, like it
wasn’t fucking clear in the first place. “I’m trying to learn through observation.

this just cracked me up XD
You rock!! Please, please, please with a cherry on top, DO MORE!!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-10 12:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Harry strikes me as a determined sort, even if he's a bit to dim to get it at first. I'm thrilled to hear that I got the voice right (and that I cracked you up).

Dear God, what is RDJ doing in your icon? Did he develop Bells Palsey recently? Is he having a Transiant Ischimic Attack? Seriously, what is that?

Thanks for commenting. :)

OP

Date: 2010-02-09 04:15 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
That was adorable, hilarious, and hot as hell all in one go.
“I can’t even do that when my mouth is empty!” I said, and yeah, I know, at this point, I was actively delaying the blowjob, but it really was the most impressive thing anyone had ever done to my cock.
-- possibly my favorite bit out of the whole thing.

Fabulous. Thank you!

Re: OP

Date: 2010-02-10 12:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay, I pleased the OP! I was a bit worried, as it didn't come out as H/C -y as you'd asked, but then, I guess I've already done a H/C Harry/Perry shower fic.

So happy you enjoyed! Thanks for dropping in!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-10 05:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vodkaplaid.livejournal.com
That was pitch perfect, so much so that actually I want that as a deleted scene on my DVD. Damn. I mean...Harry did just dictate that to you, didn't he?

Lovely stuff. Write more. I'm begging.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-10 03:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Wow, thank you! Yeah, I think we'd all like a Harry/Perry sex scene as a DVD extra, but you'll have to wait for the porn spoof, "Kiss him, Bang him."
Or something.
I actually have a couple more - click on the KKBB tag on my journal, you'll find them.

Thank you for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-10 08:19 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I LAUGHED, I CRIED, I WANT S'MORE

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-10 03:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! I'm so glad!

Thank you for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-11 03:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kikamontanez.livejournal.com
*Dances* Please fill some of the other promps. You have Harry down so well! And Perry...hehehe...

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-11 03:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kikamontanez.livejournal.com
Wait a sec! I just recognized your username! I placed a prompt based on your other fic! The panty prompt! Please tell me you're going to do that one! Pleasepleasepleaseplease!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-11 03:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Hee! Well...would you take an art fill? I'd consider *drawing* Harry in panties.

Anyway, thanks for the ego stroke! Your fill was awesome too (I only remember the one about Harry's ex wife, I don't know if you did another), and I'd love to see more!
Edited Date: 2010-02-11 03:30 am (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-12 03:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skyblue-reverie.livejournal.com
Honey, I'ma have to say that you are WAY too hard on yourself, because this whole fic is made of win. Every line is awesome and hilarious and so completely in character. It works together as a cohesive story and as a subtle look back at how they ended up at this place. It works as a character sketch of both of them and a deft exploration of their dynamic as a couple. In short, it works on every level. It does not read like a draft. At all. I swear it.

You just have a natural flair for writing these two, and Harry in particular. I know you say he dictates to you, and I won't argue because I totally know that feeling, but darling, all that hilarity and wit and adorableness is coming from YOUR BRAIN, and it is amazing. Just because it comes easy doesn't mean it's not good, bb! I think you just need to admit that you are the queen of writing Harry and accept all the praise and accolades that you so richly deserve.

I could seriously, seriously quote every single line in this, but I'll just toss out a few of my faves:

I’m Harry Lockhart, your narrator. Author? Should I take a step up and go with the author title, since this is written, and not spoken? Is that a step up? I mean, people are way more likely to watch a movie than read a fucking short story, right? Nobody wants to read their movie.

I can SO HEAR THIS IN RDJ'S VOICE. Well, that's true of the whole fic, honestly, but this line in particular.

“Hey,” I said. I guess that’s what gay guys say when they wake up next to each other. I’m a little new at this.

I love Harry being slightly insecure and trying to feel his way through this new situation. SO CUTE and PERFECT.

These eyebrows, for example, were saying, “I’m confused,” and, “Oh, wait, Harry’s about to say something stupid, let’s all listen.”

One of the things that is both fascinating and slightly disturbing about this pairing, to me, is how badly Perry treats Harry so much of the time. This line expresses that perfectly, and also totally sums up Harry's awareness that Perry's looking down on him. He's okay with it for now, but long term? Well, that's another fic, but it would be an interesting one, methinks.

Did one night of sex really cure him of that much cranky? In all the time I’ve known him, he always talked as if he was up to his balls in men, but I guess it was just talk. And, if that were the case, couldn’t he have at least jerked off a little more regularly for the good of mankind or something?

Oh my GOD. I love this, the implication that Perry's own legend is vastly overstated (by him) and that having his Harry is going to smooth down some of his rough edges. Plus, hilarious!

You could host an orgy in there. Except, I hoped he wasn’t planning one, because I tend to be a one person kinda guy, and besides that, you can only cram so many men into one shower before it starts to smell.

Okay, again with the hilarity, because it is SO TRUE. And oh, Harry. I love his hope that this will be exclusive, but his slight uncertainty about that, and the fact that he's pretty much leaving that decision in Perry's hands, at least for now.

part 2

Date: 2010-02-12 03:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skyblue-reverie.livejournal.com
And, okay, I’m about to get a little sappy here, so avert your eyes:

It made me feel safer than I’d ever felt in my entire life.


I LOVE THIS BIT. Yes, it's sweet. But it's still IC (avert your eyes, hee!) and it's SO heart-melting. Guhhhhhhh. Feeling protected is SUCH a button of mine.

Harry's defensiveness when Perry asks if he's okay is perfect - he knows he's kind of the bottom in the relationship, the caretakee, and that's okay, but he's damn well not going to be treated like a child! It is awesome and perfect, and I love that Perry wasn't even thinking about that, just thinking "oh, I want to fuck him again, I wonder if he's sore". This moment of disconnect between what they're both thinking and what they both assume the other is thinking is so REAL and spot-on for the start of a relationship like this.

Preparation H is a TOTAL WIN, of course.

And Perry having given Harry only a B for effort, after he tried until his jaw ached! Oh, Perry.

And then the exchange during the bj is perfect, and priceless. SO IC, OMG. And funny and sad (more insecure!Harry) and sweet (sort!of!reassuring!and!caretaking!Perry) and guhhhhhhhhh.

Okay, so I did kind of quote the whole fic at you. Oh well. It's awesome, and wonderful, and fabulous, and all kinds of other superlatives. I MEAN IT. *stern face*

I love you, honey, and I love all of your words. *hugs tight*

Re: part 2

Date: 2010-02-13 06:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Good God, you are so sweet to me. I adore your comments, so much that I've come back to read and reread them over and over again. *luffs*

You always say that I get what you're trying to do - well, you always get me too! Must be that psychic link between us. But, for whatever reason, you totally understand my take on these characters, on the nature of their relationship, and how what they need from what another isn't always healthy. I'm so glad, because if not for you I wouldn't have known if all of that came through or not. But then they also have a kind of sweetness to their actions toward each other, and you saw that too! Which just makes me feel very happy about my fic! *ego is stroked*

And thanks for saying it's in voice, because that's priority one when I write fanfiction.

and, finally, thanks for being a brilliant beta, and an amazing best friend. I love you!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-13 01:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angelogdarknes.livejournal.com
..........is it bad that I read this, looked through the rest of the stuff, and my first thought was 'why is there not an infinite amount of writing for me to read?'

Such a great story. You have possibly ruined me for the fandom, and this was only the first fic I read.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-13 06:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
I have NOT ruined the fandom for you! There is a ton of brilliant fic out there for these two (and sometimes Harmony as well). If you want to read an absolute fandom-wreckingly awesome set of fics, I direct you to The Simple Art of Graverobbing (http://gekizetsu.net/whatnot/kkbb_sn.htm) and it's sequel, Brains are a Nuisance (http://eighth-horizon.livejournal.com/64654.html). But there's more out there! Go! Find it! And then write!

Thanks so much for the praise, though! :)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-14 02:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angelogdarknes.livejournal.com
- so did read. And I feel I should be spoiled, except I keep reading amazing things, which just makes me want to write for this more. Perhaps once I get my hands on the book!

Though of course, more of your own writing would certainly be appreciated *cough*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-14 06:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
...the book? Do you mean that, something something where the bodies are burried book? Because I don't think the movie and the book have much to do with eachother. My guess- the plot was similar enought that they felt safer buying the rights.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-14 06:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] angelogdarknes.livejournal.com
....wiki told me that one was based on the other. I assumed they were, well, similar.

Now I am slightly disappointed.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-13 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] malcolm-stjay.livejournal.com
Okay okay, I just watched the movie so I could read this and I LOVED the movie and I love the fic.

So: WIN ON BOTH COUNTS!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-14 06:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! OMG, what is going on in your icon, cause that is hilarous!

Thanks for dropping in!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-14 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lia-galanodel.livejournal.com
“Oh, wait, Harry’s about to say something stupid, let’s all listen.”

"he pulled me off and told me that I get a ‘B’ for enthusiasm, but that we needed to work on my technique. I told him to shove it up his ass, and then he told me he’d rather shove it up mine. And … then he did."

AHAHAH This was PERFECT. Thank you!!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 07:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! thanks,I'm glad you liked it!

I have one too!

Date: 2010-03-09 03:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] superironman13.livejournal.com
Please check my (first) fanfic and kindly spread it because you're pretty famous when it comes to KKBB.:D

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