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[personal profile] small_hen
Title: Blue
Author: [livejournal.com profile] ennui_blue_lite
Fandom: Nu!Trek
Summary: Jim’s penis is blue. Bones is not [particularly] amused.
Rating: T for a sexual discussion
Word Count: 647
A/N: As always, a thousand words of thanks to my lovely beta and friend, [livejournal.com profile] skyblue_reverie, who indulges my ridiculous fic and keeps asking for more.




"It's blue."

Bones peered up at Jim from where he was crouched in front of the exam table. Even from the strange angle, Jim could easily read the irritation on his face. "Impressive deduction skills, Jim, but as a doctor trained in assessment, I had already noticed the minor detail that is your bright blue penis."

"Why is it blue?" Jim asked, and if his voice held a hint of panic, he felt it was justified.

"Good question." Now Bones' upward stare held accusation, and Jim raised his hands.

"No, no, time out. I swear I did not sleep with ANYONE," he swore. "Besides you."

Bones snorted. "I believe you, especially since very few alien races have genitals which secrete blue dye." He paused. "At least, very few races which are also sexually compatible with humans. Which leads me to my next three questions – where did you buy it, how much did you pay for it, and are you really that big of a moron?"

"What are you talking about? Where did I buy what?"

"Where did you buy the cheap sex toy that left blue dye all over your dick and gave you one of the worst rashes I've seen in years? Honestly, Jim, are you allergic to every substance in the known universe? Did your parents have to raise you in a sterile field or something?"

Bones bit his lip as soon as he said it, and Jim did his best to pretend not to notice. "It looked like a reputable shop to me."

"A shop called…" Bones said, once he managed to pull his foot from his mouth.

"Candi's Toy Box?" Jim said weakly. "She was having a sale on, um, personal pleasure tubes."

"Jim, are you –"

"I was thinking of you the whole time?" Jim offered. "Really. I wrote your name down the side of the tube in marker."

"No, I'm not - you...really?"

"Absolutely. I totally did."

Bones' expression went a bit perplexed, as if he'd bitten into a pear and found that it tasted like a potato. "I'm not sure if that's supposed to be sweet or disturbing."

"I didn't want you to get jealous."

"Jim, your masturbatory habits are hardly the point here - no matter how weird or emotionally scarring I might find them. The point is that your friend Candi is selling toys which are in violation of the health code, meaning that they're probably homemade, meaning that I need to contact her so that I can treat my idiot boyfriend who would actually stick his dick in something he bought for three credits from a woman named Candi."

"So...you can make the blue go away?"

Bones rummaged around in a drawer and came up with a small tube. "The blue dye should fade in a day or two. Apply this hydrocortisone cream for the rash. Try not to have too much fun; it's not a lube."

"Oh, don't worry, I don't have to apply it," Jim said casually. "I have a doctor around who does those things for me."

"Guess again," Bones said. "No sex for three days."

"Aw, Bones!" Jim whined.

"No sex," Bones repeated. "And no, writing my name down someone else's side does not make them me, so don't try to get around it."

Jim huffed. "I wouldn't do that."

Bones kissed him, a quick peck on the lips. "I know. I was kidding. Look, Jim, if you're interested in toys, for yourself or the both of us, I know a few places. Maybe next time we're on shore leave, we could drop in?"

"Good places?" Jim asked.

"They've never turned me blue."

Jim scanned his memory, searching for any good deed he might have done to deserve Bones. He couldn't think of one, but he pressed his lips to Bones' anyway and mentally thanked every star in the universe. "It's a date."

Sequel HERE

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 06:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spikeface.livejournal.com
I totally giggled -- this is hilarious with some really sweet emotion underneath.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Thank you! That was exactly what I was going for!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 06:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aboutademongirl.livejournal.com
Oh, Jim. You precious, precious boy. This is hilarious <3.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
He is precious, isn't he? *hugs Jim*

Thank you for reading and commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sail-aweigh.livejournal.com
::snorfle::

I loved it! Personal pleasure tubes! He wrote Bones' name down the side of it! Hee. Hydrocortisone is not lube! Funny and sweet, d'awwww.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! You liked my favorite part (Bones' name on the side of the sex toy)!

I'm glad you enjoyed it - thank you for your comments!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:13 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] samueljames
Very nice fun moment between them, love doctorly Bones mocking Jim. I love how much they love each other.
Edited Date: 2010-01-04 07:13 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
It is not a Jim/Bones fic until Bones has, at some point, mocked Jim.
Thank you for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skyblue-reverie.livejournal.com
Honey, you know how much I love this, and you actually got to witness firsthand all the laughing and clapping and snorting and squeeing I did when I read this. Fer reals. :D

"Personal pleasure tubes"! Jim writing Bones' name on it in marker! Biting into a pear that tastes like a potato! Jim thinking that Bones would get jealous of a toy! Jim's "emotionally scarring" masturbatory habits! Darling, you are a funny, funny girl. I love it!

I also love the bits of other emotions that peek through - Bones' offhand remark about Jim's parents and his subsequent guilt, Jim valiantly ignoring it 'cause he knows Bones didn't mean it and already feels bad, Jim's caring for Bones (denying that he'd sleep with anyone else, and obviously meaning it) and Bones' caring for Jim (despite the grumbling), Jim's feeling that he doesn't deserve Bones. Awwwww. *hugs them both* You write them so well.

And now... wait for it...

I WANT A SEQUEL WHERE WE SEE JIM AND BONES AT THE SEX TOY SHOP!!

*squeezes you tight* I love writing with you, and I love reading everything you've written.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Awwww! *Squeezes you!* I loved getting to write this with you firsthand, complete with giggling and squeeing and all mannor of fun fangirl noises. As always, I doubt I'd have thought up anything if not for our morning writing challage, so this fic owes itself to you.

I give you full credit for personal pleasure tubes as well, as the name was just a placeholder, and I was going to change it as soon as I got down to editing.

So, thank you - for your beta, and your insta-crack, the cups of coffee, and the many conversations we've had about Jim and Bones and their emotions and insecurities, and your fic (and I want to read more of that!) and for helping me find our boy's voices. And now, thank you for yet another fic idea. *Starts planning sex toy shopping trip*

*hugs you back* Love you too, and all you've written, and all you are.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 07:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rubynye.livejournal.com
This is gigglesomely adorable!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! Gigglesomely!

Thank you for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saavikam77.livejournal.com
Oh, Jim. XD *cracks up* This definitely seems like something he'd do. :p

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Jim is rather lacking in "look before you leap" logic, isn't he? Or, "look before you stick your penis in it," logic, for that matter.

Thank you for commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] near-family.livejournal.com
*giggle, snort, falls off chair*

Oh, this was great! I love the dialog especially.

"I was thinking of you the whole time?" Jim offered. "Really. I wrote your name down the side of the tube in marker."

"No, I'm not - you...really?"

"Absolutely. I totally did."

Bones' expression went a bit perplexed, as if he'd bitten into a pear and found that it tasted like a potato. "I'm not sure if that's supposed to be sweet or disturbing."


That's kinda epic, right there. I can totally imagine Jim doing it too. ^^

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
When I wrote this, I had a great image in my head of Jim with a sharpie, carefully printing "BONES" down the side of a fleshlight - and looking altogether pleased with himself.

Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for posting.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:24 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jem80.livejournal.com
This should be marked-Dangerous to Read While Drinking. Seriously I spewed my Coke all over my screen with the ame on the personal pleasure tube. This was fabulously awesome!!!!!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Jim cannot risk Bones getting jealous. :)

*Hands you a towel for your computer* Thank you for reading and commenting.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com
this is ADORABLE. It totally has me grinning like a loon. Oh, Jim! You and Bones totally deserve each other. Truly. ♥

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 08:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
They do deserve each other, very much. *group hugs them*

I'm so thrilled that you liked this! Can't wait to see you tomorrow!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 10:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
:D :D :D for reading it!

How have you been?

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] malcolm-stjay.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-05 02:13 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-05 03:49 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] malcolm-stjay.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-05 12:55 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-05 03:43 pm (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
*collects giggles*

Thank you for comments, they make my day!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 11:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fallingcinders.livejournal.com
Omg, Jim writing Bones' name down the side of the pleasure tube in marker... genius. :D Also:

Bones rummaged around in a drawer and came up with a small tube. "The blue dye should fade in a day or two. Apply this hydrocortisone cream for the rash. Try not to have too much fun; it's not a lube."

and

"No sex," Bones repeated. "And no, writing my name down someone else's side does not make them me, so don't try to get around it."


Fan-fucking-tastic and hilarious. I think this could do with a sequel with Bones' promised date to Jim mentioned at the end of the story. *wink wink*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 11:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! Thank you for the high praise - youve also pointed out all my favorite parts, which is just icing on my narcasistic little cake.

I am, at this very moment, sitting in a cafe, contemplating my sequel. Keep your fingers crossed.

Thank you for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-04 11:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anruiukimi.livejournal.com
<3 Fantastic morning fic! I'm hoping it gives me inspiration to continue working on mine. ^_~

Epic is the word I would use too. :P

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 12:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yes, keep working on yours. We can never have enough Jim/Bones. On that note, have you joined [livejournal.com profile] st_respect team Jones yet?

I've written epic blue penis fic! *woohoo!* Has anyone outside of Watchmen fandom done that? I think not!

Thanks for reading.

(no subject)

From: [identity profile] anruiukimi.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-01-05 04:23 am (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thalassa-ipx.livejournal.com
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
So sweety!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 12:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Yay! thank you, I'm glad you liked it.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 12:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] secretsolitaire.livejournal.com
Aw, this was strangely sweet for a story about a blue penis. :-P

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 12:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
It's the sweetest blue penis fic that you'll ever read, outside of a Smurf comm.

Did I just make the same comments joke twice? Ah well. Thanks for reading.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 01:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] abigail89.livejournal.com
Completely, totally delightful. Oh, Jim!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 03:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
It's amazing the things Jim gets himself into - literly this time.

Thanks for reading!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 03:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pixelmayhem.livejournal.com
I made this face XD all the way through! Bravo!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 03:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
The fact that you made that face makes me make this face :D

Thanks for reading and commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 04:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kilala10.livejournal.com
Someone needs to write a fic where they go shopping for sex toys.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 07:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Working on it, working on it!

Thanks for reading.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] appelwagon.livejournal.com
"And no, writing my name down someone else's side does not make them me."

TOO FUNNY. short and sweet and i loved it.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Hee, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 11:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] foxrafer.livejournal.com
Bones' expression went a bit perplexed, as if he'd bitten into a pear and found that it tasted like a potato. "I'm not sure if that's supposed to be sweet or disturbing."
This was too much fun. Thanks so much for sharing it.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-05 11:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Thank you! I was unsure if that line made sense, so I'm glad you liked that line!

Thanks for reading.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-08 01:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pink-soprano.livejournal.com
Oh JIM! :D

This was fantastic!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-08 06:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Hee! Your icon! Yes, Jim is darling, isn't he?

Thank you for reading and for commenting!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-08 06:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fandomlurker.livejournal.com
LOL, everything that comes out of the boys's mouth (especially Jim's) is hilarious. They're so cute together.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-08 06:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
I agree, they're very cute together.

Thanks for commenting, and I like your predictions icon. So adorable!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-08 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I loved this. I save stories to a memory stick and take them home becuause I don't have internet at home and I picked this up just because I was bored and figured it would be worth a giggle.
Boy was I pleasantly surprised to find that not only are you a better writer than I expected, the emotions and the laughs were well done and not overly corny. Great job here! I loved it and just picked up the sequal.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-01-09 01:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ennui-blue-lite.livejournal.com
Oh wow, how awesome is that? Thank you for selecting my fic as one to take home, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Hope you like the sequel as well.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

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